InSAnE....Episode 3 of 3 (Read Episodes 1 & 2 below)

Yash and Natasha were classmates. They had problems with each other. They were actually in the same Assignment Group. I tried my best to sort things out. I failed. The next thing I tried was to keep myself away from all that. I failed again.

MSRIT, an Engineering College in Bangalore, was organizing a Rock event. We were invited. The date was Feb 2. We started practicing from the next day, with just one month to go. We had a 20 minute slot. 4 songs. This time we were going for ‘Beyond God’ and ‘Dare Truth’ as originals, along with ‘Wake me Up’ and ‘Car Crash’.

Natasha had a problem. Jamming was going fine for the first five days. Then, she started missing me. The truth was that I wasn’t giving her time. She watched us jam for the first couple of days. Then, she stopped turning up.

‘What is more important to you…I or your band?’. This was so damn obvious. I tried to explain. We talked the entire night. She cried several times. I had to give up something. I had to ditch. I ditched InSAnE.

 ‘ My lyrics are all yours, but you must look for a new rhythm guy.’ My friends tried their best to get me back. I felt important, but I had nothing to give.

The hunt for the new guitarist was on the next evening. Several guys auditioned. There was this guy who had played earlier for a band called ‘Early Death’. We got him. He has a catchy name… ABC, which stands for Ananya Brata Chakaborty. Another bong, after Gainda but this one was from Assam. I had talked to this guy a couple of times before, but never knew he would be so vital so soon.

Natasha and I carried on. I missed my band. She loved my sacrifice. The fact that I ditched InSAnE was the biggest proof of my commitment to her. That’s the way they are. Can’t help.

Feb 2 was cool. InSAnE rocked, as usual. She enjoyed it as well.

‘But, it was better the last time round, my baby is missing na…’, she added, boogling my cheek. What do I say about that now? The guys came down. We had high fives. We did a hip hip hurray for our new mate ABC. He loved it.

                                         In the picture: the new guy, ABC

‘Hey Nuts….Wassup !’ A tall, handsome guy came and hugged my girl. She was thrilled.

‘When did you come to Bangalore?’. She then moved away and had a long talk with that guy. For the second half of the talk, she wasn’t smiling.

‘Old friend’, she said. I hadn’t asked her anything.

That night, we drank like anything. Yash came to hit me. Ads was angry on me as well. I realized that it was all over for me from InSAnE. Gainda was my only friend from the band now.

‘Now you know who your real friends are’, said Natasha.

The next weekend, she went to see her brother. She didn’t want me to see her off.

Her behavior had changed over the week. The good night kiss had become less passionate. The good morning one had moved out of the window. I asked her what the problem was. She didn’t speak. Suddenly, studies had become more important.

The next weekend, she went again…to meet her brother. This time, I followed. It was the same guy who we saw on the day of the Rock Show. They were at a CCD. I backed off.

I asked her to speak out the truth. She didn’t. I told her what I saw. ‘ How dare you follow me like that, how long have you known me?’ I found that strange. I knew very well that things were going wrong.

A couple of days later, we talked like two mature people. She told me the story of Piyush. They started going out when they were in the 8^th standard. They loved each other deeply. Problems rose when they realized that Piyush’s family wouldn’t accept a Christian girl, even though her mom was a Hindu. Piyush then started moving close to some other Hindu girl. However, now he had realized his mistake and wanted her back.

I recollected every bit of the story that night. It hardly made sense. Why did the guy have to fall for some other girl? Why did the realization come after accidentally meeting her at the rock show? Why did this girl come this close to me in a matter of two months, when she already loved someone else?

I wondered what kind of a girl Natasha is. Soon, I realized that orphan Richin didn’t have much left in life. I tried my best to get things sorted. Nothing seemed to work.

The next three months were like hell. The crushes had stopped happening.Even Gainda had started avoiding me. After all, he had to stay close to InSAnE. Perhaps, even he was asked to make a choice.

The Summer Vacation was month long from July 15. I went home. My mom’s elder brother had been looking after me since Mom and Dad passed away in an accident in 2003. I have mostly been out after that, and the money he spends on me is my Dad’s money, which he says, would be over soon. I have never really been treated nicely by them. This month was no different.

02 Aug 2009.I was back from home. The train halted at the Bangalore station. I got down.

“Bhaiyya…Alliance…BTM”. “120 ”. 

At 3 in the afternoon, I reached hostel. I hardly found anyone there. I got into 209…that’s my room. I typed these 8 pages in Microsoft word. Then, I had to do something right away. I had a couple of choices as to how I would go about doing that. I chose the simple way. I placed the blade perpendicular to my left wrist.

 I just had to go. Thats it. Its not about guts and stuff. Its about peace. Life couldn’t give that to me. So, death was the only choice I had.

“Here NOW, I am done with the writing as well. Nakul calling. My Assignment partner. He is the guy who introduced me to ABC. Lucky guy ABC.  InSAnE is cool. I’ll miss them. Oops…How would I miss anybody. They’ll miss me….or perhaps they won’t.

 All I have for this world is this story. Guys in love have a lesson to learn from this. I hope it will be read. And I have this last poem.

I Scream for Peace

Its scary darkness,imprisoned here I live
Its all been taken,nothing for me to give
Will Jesus ever turn up to release...
As I shout,as I scream here for peace ?

No hint o' sound, no ray of light
Not a friend, not an enemy that I can fight
Its so null,so weird, so uninhabited
Its almost as if time's been terminated

My heart is slowly dying out as it beats
I feel dead from the inside, as the history repeats
O...will my Jesus show up and release
Me of myself,as I shout, screaming for peace...

 That’s about it from my side.

I am leaving for Peace.

Bindaas !”

The End….

InSAnE....Episode 2 of 3 (Make sure u've read episode 1)

‘Bhaiyya…Airtel ka 150’. I knew it was the same voice. She was there with a couple of more girls.  I was having Pepsi with Gaindaa.

‘Hi…Natasha..Howz you doing?’

‘Hey dude, I just forgot to take your number the other day...whats it?’. I gave her the number, and got the missed call.

‘ See Ya…’

‘Doooode…who is this ‘maal’?’ ‘Shut your ass up. She is a nice girl.’ ‘Hmmm…really nice !’ I knew what this Gainda meant, but I didn’t say anything.

We started chatting that night.

“You like this place? I mean its really nice. I am in love with Alliance…trust me….”  She spoke like anything.

“You know what, I’ve noted something. There are 3 Deeps in your band, as in Gyaandeep, Aman Deep and Deep himself…Did you ever notice that?”.

 ‘No’ was my call.

Fact was that it was too obvious to go unnoticed. In fact, the last person to note that was Deep’s maid servant ! However, I had to make her feel intelligent. I mean, that can only work in my favour.

“You know what….”, she went on till 4.

 Hardly ever did I have a chance to say that ….she was nice. InSAnE came to know about it the next day, thanks to Gainda. I had agreed for two cigarettes a day, but this Gainda wouldn’t shut his mouth. He wanted 10. ‘Fuck off’ was my answer.

November 16. 11:59. 1 minute to her birthday. ‘I have something for you. Can you open your drawer’? ‘Wow…what’s this?’. ‘You must find out…but hang on….Happy Birthday’

‘Wow wow…how cute is that…Thank You Richin…’. It was a Barbie. She had a treasure of those already. I thought it would be wise to add to that stock. Her roomie helped me with that.

‘There’s a card as well…’.

She was in tears. When you propose, and the girl weeps, you’ve got her ! I had written this poem for her in that card. She liked it. She loved it. About an hour later, I asked her to recite that poem. She did.

I clapped. Gainda raised his eyebrow. She was in tears again.

Natasha’s brother worked for IBM. He lived with his wife, some 15 ks from our college. So, we were never caught dating. He decided to enjoy Christmas and New Year with his family in Coimbatore. Natasha had Nathan’s house keys for a week. She told her brother that she wanted to party with her friends. She did party. However, I happened to be the only invitee.

She was wearing a white UMM top. I had my Iron Maiden on. Both of us knew what was coming up, after the talk. Soon, there was a silence. I knew what it meant. I kissed her forehead.

Soon, we left the drawing room. The bed was kinda heart shaped. Red cover. No music, but that’s okay. She caught hold of my hair, and kissed my face a couple of times. I got back with a smooch, that seemed to last for ever.

‘I love You’, I said after the kiss.

 Sometime later, I said it again. The only difference, this time, we were clothless.

It was fun.

 Opening the bra was the best part of it. I always thought of it as something very difficult. I did it in 2 seconds. I recalled my debit-credit concept. She was wild and cute at the same time. I had condoms, but she didn’t let me use it. She was sure that the intercourse wouldn’t bring a baby. It was some concept which I didn’t really get.

The next morning, I insisted her to take iPill. She did. I felt better. ‘The house will be ours for the next 6 days, as well.’ We made the most of it. My average bra-opening time had increased to about a minute. May be, the first time was just a fluke. We watched that movie ‘Kamasutra’ to get our poses right. Rekha was our coach.

‘Happy New Year’. We wished each other. The last seven days had changed my life. Leave apart the sex part, the day time was wonderful as well. We never moved out. After all, for the rest of Alliance, she was in Coimbatore, and I was in Mysore to meet my cousin. She would cook for me everyday. I saw that spark in her eyes that said she loved me. We had virtually set up a new home. It was time to start missing it. It was New Year.

InSAnE....Episode 1 of 3

02 Aug 2009.I was back from home. The train halted at the Bangalore station. I got down.

“Bhaiyya…Alliance…BTM”. “120 ”.

 At 3 in the afternoon, I reached hostel. I hardly found anyone there. I got into 209…that’s my room. I typed 8 pages in Microsoft word. Then, I had to do something right away. I had a couple of choices as to how I would go about doing that. I chose the simple way. I placed the blade perpendicular to my left wrist.

I just had to go. That’s it. Its not about guts and stuff. Its about peace. Life couldn’t give that to me. So, death was the only choice I had.

About a year ago…

“What the fuck…This asshole…I don’t understand how such wannabes hold such posts…Che Guvera is a vocalist !?” Yash was a bit too fired up. He felt like banging his guitar on the floor. “Chill dude”. I tried to calm him down. This so called ‘head’ of the Cultural Club had called us for an audition for the Freshers’ party. He didn’t say much about our music. All he said was that we needed to look like dopers to hold the stage. He was one of those who would trust us if we said “Summer of ‘69 is our original”. Never mind we knew we would make it.

Gyaandeep is a bong. What we called him is Gaindaa…and not Gyaan Da. He was my roomie. Back from claas I told him… “Dude…this debit and credit thing…I mean…The entire hour he kept telling us ….Debit what comes in and Credit what goes out. I wonder how many times he debits and credits when he fucks Suchita mam”. Gaindaa started doing what he does best, apart from playing the bass. He laughed…he hee heee…and so on…nonstop! 

                                                    In the picture: InSAnE

         

Maths is good. Only Deep was better than me at that. This geek had a voice. I assure he was the highest scoring vocalist in the country…that’s in terms of grades of course. He never talked much….tell him the song…he will practice for a couple of hours…and rock the stage. A true champion.

I played rhythm for ‘InSAnE’. I was one of those happy-go-lucky types. ‘Bindaas’ was a word most often used during the day. With a crush count touching 2 a day, I was still looking for ‘my girl’. However, I did well in jotting down stuff. That made me the InSAnE lyricist too. Right now, I liked that girl called Shikha. She was my classmate. Her boyfriend Archit always sat next to her in class. Archit was my friend too. “Light case….Bindaas”.

Aman Deep Singh aka ‘Ads’. A sardaar playing the drums…isn’t that InSAnE? He always insisted on inserting Punjabi words into metal. He never earned a vote for that. The Amritsar Rock Fest was another such idea. However, this guy was kind of an USP for our band, and perhaps the reason behind its name too.

We guys have been together for about two and a half years now. We started jamming sometime in October’06. We were in the 11^th standard then, in Pune. Those two years saw us perform in various shows across India. We were pretty much known in the fraternity by now. Our best moment came when Luke Kenny said “I see myself in these guys…trust me”. That happened in ‘Launch Pad’, about a year ago. Post standard 12, we decided to be together. Deep wouldn’t settle for anything less than Alliance Business Academy for his BBA. So, the rest of us joined him as well. InSAnE was now based in Bangalore.

We’d been here for a couple of months now. Freshers’ Day was closing in. This time we would be playing for the Alliance crowd. We usually perform a couple of Hindi songs before doing our originals. We were to perform our ‘Keys to Heaven’ and ‘False Hope’, backing that up with ‘Laundry ka Bill’ and ‘Akhree Alvida’.

November 1 2008. Freshers’ Day. “O teri…Black wali ko dekh”. Aman was getting treated to some real beauty. “Allaince Girls smell superb…Hmmm”….said Deep. The best thing of course was that we were looking great too. I always try to impress the girls, but somehow Deep takes them away. I don’t understand why they come close to Deep and say… ‘What voice and what lyrics…!’. I mean I write all that, and this Deep would never say that when the girls are around.

“And now…hold your hearts, coz for the first time in the History of Alliance, we have our own Rock Band…so lets hear it from InSAnE….”

“I love that voice…that voice of the crowd…that for me is the voice of God”…I said… “And the voice of Deep is taking all the mini skirts away” added Yash. Another laugh. The show was a success. We were getting compliments every now and then. I doubt that smile which beautiful girls have when they praise. I don’t know why, but I feel it says… ‘Dude, I know how desperate you are to get a praise from me’. I may be wrong, but…

                                                      In the Picture: Natasha

November 3. I was having my breakfast early. The OB professor had called me for something. I was half way through my burger when this girl with silky black hair came close. ‘Hi Richin…I saw you play the other day…It was really good’. ‘Yes, that’s right. You can sit right here if you like ’. Wooo….confidence !

‘How long have you been playing… I mean you sound so pro’.

 ‘Ya thanks…Its been a long time with guitars…with InSAnE, its been a couple of years….’

There was a 5 second pause after this. I then said… ‘You liked Deep?’… ‘I am sorry…who’s Deep?’ Wow…does that happen as well… I wondered. ‘Lead vocalist…InSAnE.’

‘I m sorry, I couldn’t follow all your names…I only remember Richin and Ads…that’s Amar D..’ ‘Aman…Aman Deep Singh’.

‘What’s your name by the way…’. ‘Natasha…Natasha George. My mom is a Hindu. That’s why’.

 ‘Richin by the way is Richin George’.

‘Really…?’

We talked for about fifteen minutes, before class. I didn’t know what the OB professor had to say. However I did know that there’s a girl called Natasha George from Coimbatore. Her birthday falls on 17 November, that’s two weeks from now. That she is pretty….has long silky hair…Black eyes…Sharp nose….and so on…and also that she kinda likes me, and that she didn’t notice Deep as properly as she noticed me. Cool. Bindaas .

I didn’t tell it to anyone. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. Tons of thoughts captured my sole mind. I didn’t have her number. Also, we hadn’t decided when to meet next. I went early for breakfast the next day. Didn’t find her.