InSAnE....Episode 3 of 3 (Read Episodes 1 & 2 below)

Yash and Natasha were classmates. They had problems with each other. They were actually in the same Assignment Group. I tried my best to sort things out. I failed. The next thing I tried was to keep myself away from all that. I failed again.

MSRIT, an Engineering College in Bangalore, was organizing a Rock event. We were invited. The date was Feb 2. We started practicing from the next day, with just one month to go. We had a 20 minute slot. 4 songs. This time we were going for ‘Beyond God’ and ‘Dare Truth’ as originals, along with ‘Wake me Up’ and ‘Car Crash’.

Natasha had a problem. Jamming was going fine for the first five days. Then, she started missing me. The truth was that I wasn’t giving her time. She watched us jam for the first couple of days. Then, she stopped turning up.

‘What is more important to you…I or your band?’. This was so damn obvious. I tried to explain. We talked the entire night. She cried several times. I had to give up something. I had to ditch. I ditched InSAnE.

 ‘ My lyrics are all yours, but you must look for a new rhythm guy.’ My friends tried their best to get me back. I felt important, but I had nothing to give.

The hunt for the new guitarist was on the next evening. Several guys auditioned. There was this guy who had played earlier for a band called ‘Early Death’. We got him. He has a catchy name… ABC, which stands for Ananya Brata Chakaborty. Another bong, after Gainda but this one was from Assam. I had talked to this guy a couple of times before, but never knew he would be so vital so soon.

Natasha and I carried on. I missed my band. She loved my sacrifice. The fact that I ditched InSAnE was the biggest proof of my commitment to her. That’s the way they are. Can’t help.

Feb 2 was cool. InSAnE rocked, as usual. She enjoyed it as well.

‘But, it was better the last time round, my baby is missing na…’, she added, boogling my cheek. What do I say about that now? The guys came down. We had high fives. We did a hip hip hurray for our new mate ABC. He loved it.

                                         In the picture: the new guy, ABC

‘Hey Nuts….Wassup !’ A tall, handsome guy came and hugged my girl. She was thrilled.

‘When did you come to Bangalore?’. She then moved away and had a long talk with that guy. For the second half of the talk, she wasn’t smiling.

‘Old friend’, she said. I hadn’t asked her anything.

That night, we drank like anything. Yash came to hit me. Ads was angry on me as well. I realized that it was all over for me from InSAnE. Gainda was my only friend from the band now.

‘Now you know who your real friends are’, said Natasha.

The next weekend, she went to see her brother. She didn’t want me to see her off.

Her behavior had changed over the week. The good night kiss had become less passionate. The good morning one had moved out of the window. I asked her what the problem was. She didn’t speak. Suddenly, studies had become more important.

The next weekend, she went again…to meet her brother. This time, I followed. It was the same guy who we saw on the day of the Rock Show. They were at a CCD. I backed off.

I asked her to speak out the truth. She didn’t. I told her what I saw. ‘ How dare you follow me like that, how long have you known me?’ I found that strange. I knew very well that things were going wrong.

A couple of days later, we talked like two mature people. She told me the story of Piyush. They started going out when they were in the 8^th standard. They loved each other deeply. Problems rose when they realized that Piyush’s family wouldn’t accept a Christian girl, even though her mom was a Hindu. Piyush then started moving close to some other Hindu girl. However, now he had realized his mistake and wanted her back.

I recollected every bit of the story that night. It hardly made sense. Why did the guy have to fall for some other girl? Why did the realization come after accidentally meeting her at the rock show? Why did this girl come this close to me in a matter of two months, when she already loved someone else?

I wondered what kind of a girl Natasha is. Soon, I realized that orphan Richin didn’t have much left in life. I tried my best to get things sorted. Nothing seemed to work.

The next three months were like hell. The crushes had stopped happening.Even Gainda had started avoiding me. After all, he had to stay close to InSAnE. Perhaps, even he was asked to make a choice.

The Summer Vacation was month long from July 15. I went home. My mom’s elder brother had been looking after me since Mom and Dad passed away in an accident in 2003. I have mostly been out after that, and the money he spends on me is my Dad’s money, which he says, would be over soon. I have never really been treated nicely by them. This month was no different.

02 Aug 2009.I was back from home. The train halted at the Bangalore station. I got down.

“Bhaiyya…Alliance…BTM”. “120 ”. 

At 3 in the afternoon, I reached hostel. I hardly found anyone there. I got into 209…that’s my room. I typed these 8 pages in Microsoft word. Then, I had to do something right away. I had a couple of choices as to how I would go about doing that. I chose the simple way. I placed the blade perpendicular to my left wrist.

 I just had to go. Thats it. Its not about guts and stuff. Its about peace. Life couldn’t give that to me. So, death was the only choice I had.

“Here NOW, I am done with the writing as well. Nakul calling. My Assignment partner. He is the guy who introduced me to ABC. Lucky guy ABC.  InSAnE is cool. I’ll miss them. Oops…How would I miss anybody. They’ll miss me….or perhaps they won’t.

 All I have for this world is this story. Guys in love have a lesson to learn from this. I hope it will be read. And I have this last poem.

I Scream for Peace

Its scary darkness,imprisoned here I live
Its all been taken,nothing for me to give
Will Jesus ever turn up to release...
As I shout,as I scream here for peace ?

No hint o' sound, no ray of light
Not a friend, not an enemy that I can fight
Its so null,so weird, so uninhabited
Its almost as if time's been terminated

My heart is slowly dying out as it beats
I feel dead from the inside, as the history repeats
O...will my Jesus show up and release
Me of myself,as I shout, screaming for peace...

 That’s about it from my side.

I am leaving for Peace.

Bindaas !”

The End….